Invalidation

Many parents ask me how they can best help their child/teen open up and share their feelings. Children/teens tell me the reason they do not share their feelings is INVALIDATION they have experienced when they've been honest.

What is "INVALIDATION?" Invalidation is a response that rejects, ignores, mocks, teases, judges, or diminishes someone's feelings. For example, a child tries to share feelings of anger about an alcoholic parent breaking a promise and the other parent replies, "you shouldn't feel that way, he/she is your Dad/Mom." "You don't feel that way." "Don't feel...."

When people experience invalidation, they grow up confused about their feelings and don't learn to trust their emotions. Our feelings are used for survival. We ought to feel anxiety/nervousness in new situations, or are going down dark alleys. We ought to feel anger when we are taken advantage of by others. We ought to feel guilt when we are disrespectful to people.

Parents, friends, all....validate your children's feelings. Oh, yeah...and validation does NOT mean agreement! You can understand that is how they feel and disagree as we may feel different.